Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Motherfucking Motherfuck.

Let me just cut to the chase, I am getting a divorce.  A 25 year old, single mother of a 2 year old.  It has only been a few months since the actual separation, but it has been over for a long time.  I feel ruined.  A friend of mine put my feelings into one word.  "Unimpressed."  It seems pretty accurate.  I could add a few more things, like emotionally blocked and completely turned off.  I have attempted to talk to a few guys since the split and for whatever reason they are under the impression that I am going to "chase" them when they decide not to talk to me anymore.  NEWS FLASH MOTHERFUCKERS:  I am not that easy.  I may need to get laid, but I sure as shit don't need to make you dinner to get it.  I don't make things awkward even when they are.  So when you aren't cool enough to still hang out when we have a weird "friends with benefits" moment, then it is your fucking loss.  I stress myself out so much trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me and I can't quite put my finger on it, but it may have something to do with the higher value I put on my heart.  I won't settle on some loser who who can't take a joke.  You have a job?  Super.  You live on your own?  Great.  You have the personality of wet cardboard and you want me to do what?  Get the fuck out of here.  I don't have time to play games.  I have a 2 year old little girl who already thinks a dad is someone who visits on weekends, plays for a few hours and leaves.  We are important.  We are more important than my needs, that is for sure.